Much of what we worry about is the past, which has already happened and we can't change, or the future, and we really have no idea how that will play out!
We drive ourselves into an anxious frenzy, and for what purpose?
Reliving past hurts over and over again, allowing those who have caused us pain to continue doing so with no effort on their part.
Or fretting about possible futures that may never come to pass.
We need to learn how to master our thoughts and feelings, and direct ourselves to positive, useful methods to serve our needs.
Start by stopping jumping to conclusions.
There are two ways this habit increases our difficulties. Firstly, we assume we know what's going to happen, so we stop paying attention to what is actually going on around us, and act on the assumption we reached inside our heads instead! Most of what we assume is not right, and so we stop ourselves from what may have been a great experience because of a misinterpretation of circumstances.
Seceondly, we assume we know the thoughts and feelings and motivations of others, we are the most amazing mindreaders and think we know why people do what they do, and what they're thinking, especially about us. Again, big wrong; we all are shaped by our own experiences, upbringing, culture, family and friends. No-one has the same outlook on life as you and by assuming you think you know how they think, you could be wreaking some great relationships and opportunities. Ask for clarification of why someone acted the way they did, the answer may surprise you.
Don't take things personally.
Most people, in fact all people except for you, aren't talking about you, thinking about you or concerned about you all that much. Certainly not even half as much as you might think they are. The majority of people haven't even heard of you, and most, absorbed in their own fraught little world, don't want to! The ups and downs of living, the warmth or coldness of others aren't personal at all. It's not all about you, and thinking that it is will only make you miserable and afraid.
Don't assume your emotions are trustworthy.
How you feel about something isn't necessarily how it is. Feeling it doesn't make it true. For example, if you were tucked up at home reading a book or watching tv and noticed that it was raining, it wouldn't matter very much. However if you were a bride (or groom) and woke up to rain on your wedding day you might be upset, and if you were a farmer experiencing drought and woke up to rain, you'd probably be estatic. See, the event, rain falling from the sky, is the same in all three scenarios, but the feelings differ greatly. Sometimes emotion can come from nothing more profound than being tired, hungry or thirsty. I know I can get really tetchy when tired, and am easily annoyed. I know I'm feeling annoyed but I also know that the person/circumstance I'm annoyed at isn't really the cause of my irritation, it's the previous night's poor sleep. Feelings are real but don't always represent the truth.
Read Gary Zukav for more on this
Keep Practising Optimism
Expect bad things and you'll always find them. Expect beauty, joy, friendship and compassion and you'll find these too. You find what you look for, and I'm a natural optimist, always looking for the bright side in every occasion. Losing my job, money difficulties, and challenging finances give me an opportunity to learn to live frugally, to shop smarter, waste less, and write my book. I also know that my circunstances will change for the better, I know it, and I hold onto that belief, even in those days when I slip and view the world through a dismal gloomy lens. It will get better, health, finances, relationships, see and ye shall find. So don't look for the grim, look for the good.
Let go of the past.
This is a biggie and was one of the hardest/ is the hardest for me still. It's the most important advice of all, Let it go, Forgive and Move on. Most of the bitterness, anger, hurt, misery, despair and pain come from people holding tight to past hurts. They seek validation, 'see what they did to me'!, and so they go over these hurts again and again in their heads and in every conversation they can wedge them into. The problem is we allow these people to hurt us over and over by reliving the trauma, they will have moved on and possible never think about the event or even you again, But you, you're there, going 'see what they did to me?' and the cycle of hurt never stops. Let it go! If you can forgive yourself and them, remove the past's power to hurt you, and stop hurting yourself.
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