Tuesday, 12 March 2013

The 5 Myths of Extreme Self Care or What Kind of Excuses can I Come up with Today? - By Lori Smith ***

Eight years ago I was a control freak perfectionist workaholic! I worked 16 hour days, every day. One day, I found myself siting in my car in the parkade and crying. I was tired, sooo tired!

I decided that I needed to take care of me!

It wasn't easy and it took time, but today I can say that my life has changed 180 degrees. I make decision everyday that lead me further down the path of self love and self care.

Often people comment on my life and ask how I did it... but many immediately become defensive and start to list off excuses for why they can't make these changes in their life.... do you find yourself feeling the same way?

Myth: This makes me feel too selfish!
Truth: If you don't take care of you, who will?

It is human nature to take care of others first; normally it is our immediate or extended families.

Ask yourself this... what would your family do if you died of a heart attack? Who would fix them then?

They would mourn and miss you, sure! But they would pick up their lives and move on.

* What exactly have you done for yourself lately?
* How do you take care of yourself?
* How do you acknowledge yourself?

There are many things that you can change about your life: jobs, careers, husbands/significant other, cities, countries, houses, cars... But does changing any or all of these things accomplish the feeling you are looking for? And if you make changes and do NOT change how you are taking care of yourself, does it really impact your life?

Things might change for a while, but they return you right back to the same space unless you decide to change yourself. Then and only then will things flow together and begin to feel like what you are looking for.

Myth: My Family doesn't understand me!
Truth: Do you know how to ask for what you need?

It is not that you family doesn't understand you.... It is that you have let them walk all over you, of course not intentionally.

Taking into consideration that we are ‘doing what must be done' to make sure things are taken care of, what steps have you taken to let your family know what you need? It is easy!

* Talk to your significant other and family
* Ask for what you need
* Your family says sure, they would be happy to help; that's what families do

The next important step is put into words that feeling you are looking for. I recommend reading this over every week or so and updating it. As you start working through the steps you will start to see new improved visions and feelings. You will be able to be clearer and clearer of what you are looking to feel.

* The goal I want to achieve is:
* The reason I want to achieve this goal is:
* My life would change in the following manner if I achieved my goal:
* I would be happier if I achieved my goal because:

Maybe you have a very simple goal; maybe you just need to spend 30 minutes a day in peace and quiet.

So let's try that discussion again.

* Call a family meeting -- just let them know you have something you want to run past them
* Ask them what for what you need -- I would like it if for 30 minutes after I get home from work, I can spend time alone in my office/bedroom, I just feel that I want to be able to switch gears from work and then I can spend better quality time with you because I am not worrying about things at the office.
* Your family says sure -- well of course they do, your family loves you, they just didn't know that you needed the time.

There is one catch to this though. You actually need to do it. Use your 30 minutes: meditate, exercise, read, BUT leave work at work and truly be fully present with your family. If they can see that nothing has changed, then they will not accept your boundaries.

Myth: I don't have the time!
Truth: Creating organization gives you the time.

Daily habits or rituals will help you organize your time. How much time do you spend looking for your bills at the end of the month? How much time do you spend on Saturday on doing laundry?

Now I have made a conscious effort to get up 30 minutes early so that I have time to myself in the mornings. To me the effort to get up is very little compared to the enormous benefits I get from having my day completely organized.

The point is start something... even if the only thing you do is wake up 15 minutes early and drink your water/juice in silence while you are writing your "To Do" list for the day.

Myth: If I can't do it correctly, I don't do it at all!
Truth: Simple changes make a big difference.

You may be a control freak or a perfectionist. You have being doing it for as long as you can remember and you probably have no clue about where to even begin to stop.

But you can stop and you can move on from here.

First: Breathe
Second: Breathe again
Third: Pick just one thing to change

It is not possible to change everything in one day, one week or one year even; this is a process, a journey to create a better you.

Let me tell you about the actions I took to do this.

1. I hired people around me that could take on some of my redundant tasks.

2. I started to say no to taking on additional tasks. I would simply say that I was loaded right now, but they could check back in 3 months or I would recommend an ‘up and comer' who had promise.

3. Sometimes, you just need to shut off the light and leave the office. Maybe you didn't get something completed; it will be there tomorrow. But your wife or husband might not be, your kids are another day older, your parents are another day older.

It starts with just one baby step, one simple little thing, like delegating those reports.

Myth: I know ALL of this, I have tired and I failed!
Truth: Knowing is one thing, taking ACTION is totally different.

I am not one to dwell on the negative or the failures. You tired and failed before - that means one less way to try it. Now is the time to try something new.

Now is the time to take action! Success doesn't have to be complicated. It's about doing the little things every day. Each week, focus on making one change.

Once you get it down, focus on something else. If you improve just one thing every week, imagine the change you'll see over the next five years.

Did you hear yourself in some of these excuses? Did they make you feel uncomfortable? Great! Now you have a great starting point. Now you can make the decision to take back control and you can choose each and every day to focus on self love and self care.
Take your first simple step today!

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